I remember one of the rarest conversations I had with Dad back then. I was still a twenty-something and we were at a wedding, standing side by side and quietly watching the beaming newlyweds and their guests.
“I don’t know, Dad,” I’d said as I shrugged carelessly. “It looks like a fairy tale to me.”
“Why do you think so?” It wasn’t just a question. It was always a challenge from him, a challenge to get me to think.
“It doesn’t feel real to me,” I carefully reasoned. “They may all be looking happy now, but what happens next?”
“Ah.” He nodded with understanding. “Probably because this is just their wedding.”
As usual, he got me thinking. It had taken me a while, though.
I’m not going to say that marriage is only for the brave, because that just sounds so one-sided – as if merely glorifying the status itself and implying that all singles (those who are still not married or choose not to be) are plain cowards. Do me a favour. Spare the harsh judgment, will you?
To me, every big choice made requires different kinds of bravery. I know that getting married is nothing like fairy tales they’d tell you as a child only so that you could sleep better at night. (Even so, some people wouldn’t mind a fairy-tale-like wedding.) It’s more than that. Different people, different experiences. Just because one thing works out for you doesn’t mean it works out for everybody else – and please, don’t even try telling them all that they haven’t tried harder or made more effort.
And just because you’ve already found someone doesn’t mean you’re much better than those who haven’t. That’s always been the problem with the society here. They often do anything they can to make you feel self-conscious, insecure, undesirable, or even ugly for still being single.
Don’t get me wrong; there’s a difference, though. If your friend suggests this: “Why don’t you and ....... just marry each other?” or “I think ....... should marry you and it’s not a bad idea at all”, that means they care. That means they want you to be happy and believe that the other person they propose to you might be good. But of course, the rest is still up to you. It’s even better – and more possible - if you do feel that way about that other person and vice versa. Then you two can just go from there, see how it goes.
But if they keep reminding you that you’re getting older (eventhough you’re not stupid and you know that) and telling you how to live your life according to their societal standard, calling you stubborn, and even scaring you that soon no one will ever want you because you’re too old already, and possibly considered an ugly freak? Worst of all, what if they happen to be single too, just like you?