What is Love? (Advice for Lady and Young Man)

ADVICE TO LADY AND YOUNG MAN!

Garry McGavick Sigge is a swedish man. He’s 53 years old, married to Indonesian woman from Papua and have 2 children (1 Daughterand 1 Son), now he spends his life in Indonesia. His Wife’s name is Rebecca Degei, His Daughter’s name is Alyssa Svea Sigge and His Son’s name is Yohannes Theodor Sigge. Alyssa is 21 years old, sadly she was an orphan, so Garry and Rebecca adopted her when she was 2 years old after they tried to have kid and waited for 6 years of marriage. Garry and Rebecca didn’t have their own kid until 11 years of marriage. When they take 12th years anniversary, finally God answered their pray. God gave them a Son when Garry was 40 years old and Rebecca was 37 years old, so Garry and Rebecca gave their son’s name Yohannes. Tears of joy streamed down their face. They felt so blessed that time. Alyssa was happy too, she didn’t care if later Garry and Rebecca love his brother deeper than their love to her. Now, Yohannes is 13 years old.

Garry is dying right now. He and his family live in Banjarmasin right now except Alyssa. Alyssa lives in Jakarta, she studies architecture in University of Indonesia. “Am i useless right now, Rebecca?” said Gerry. “No! Why you say that?” said Rebecca with tears. “Nothing. I just feel dying is associated to useless”. “Please don’t say that Gerry. You’re not useless! You may be dying but you’re surrounded by loving and caring souls! And this is the most important, you’re not useless”. “Rebecca...” “Yeah” “ i’m dying, i don’t have a lot of time here. Can you please call our daughter Alyssa to come here to see me?”. Then, Rebecca calls her daughter and tell that Garry wants to meet her, but Alyssa refuses to see her Dad because Alyssa doesn’t want to fight Gerry about his boyfriend. She thinks when she talks with his Dad, she’s totally sure that Gerry will ask about her boyfriend and that’s a sign they will fight.

Garry and Alyssa started fighting when Alyssa announced Boyke as her boyfriend to her parents 6 months ago. Boyke is a front man in hardcore band named ‘The screaming of wild wolf’. Garry sees this man has no future. From Alyssa's story to her parents, Garry feels that this man is no good for her daughter. This guy is fake and full of shit. Garry believes this man is just looking for money. Nothing else. Then, Garry invited Alyssa and Boyke dinner in his house, 2 weeks after the announcement. Alyssa felt surprise, she thought her Dad so impressed with her boyfriend. Alyssa and Boyke come together to Garry’s house.

“What’s up, dude?” said Boyke to Garry.

“Please, don’t call me dude!!! Please don’t!”

They sat together in the round table. Garry sat between Rebecca and Yohannes, and face to face with Alyssa and Boyke. Before eating, Garry asked his daughter to have a conversation with him personally in the kitchen. “Alyssa sweetie, i want to talk to you for a second” said Garry.

When they’re in the kitchen, Garry talked seriously to his daughter.

“Don’t you want people treat you with respect?” said Garry.

“What? I’m sorry?”.

“Yeah, you’re like naked right now! You wear tight ledging without skirt or pants, you want to show your butt to people? You’re like saying “hello people, i’m Alyssa, and you’re free to see my butt. Take your time”. And you wear tight shirt, what’s the point? You want to show your huge rack? Oh my God! What’s wrong with you?”

“ CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES RIGHT NOW!!!” Garry raised his voice and insisted Alyssa.

“I don’t want!” Alyssa refused.

“If you wear like this, people will never treat you with respect! They see you but never see your beauty. They see you with lust. They make you an object. They fantasize about them and you in the bed when they’re seeing you!”

“Ewww, Dad?!”

“Why you wear like this, sweetie? Do you want to show how sexy you are to your faggot boyfriend, huh?”

No words come from Alyssa’s mouth.

“You want to be something more, but you dress like a whore. If you want to be more special, dress as a lady! Not to wear a little dress! Dress as a lady so people will treat you with respect! Believe me! I’m your Dad, and i know what it’s like when i’m your age. I know what it’s like! But don’t do this again! So, don’t you want people treat you with respect?”

“Umm....yes Dad, i want people treat me with respect. I’m sorry Dad”.

“Good, because i don’t send you to the university to see you dress like this. Now, change your clothes, and then we will have a wonderful dinner”.

Garry and Alyssa came back to the round table. “Sorry, we’re late. Ok. Let’s dinner”.

“Hmm...where are your parents, Boyke?” said Garry.

“I’m sorry i don’t speak english, Sir”.

“Var är dinaföräldrar, Boyke?” Garry spoke swedish.

Rebecca, Alyssa and Yohannes laugh loudly.

“Dimana orang tuamu, Boyke? Itu yang dikatakan oleh Garry” said Rebecca.

“Oh, orangtua saya di Jakarta”.

“Sekarang kesibukan kamu apa, nak?”

“Ya, manggung lah Tante, namanya juga anak band”

“oh, kamu lulusan apa ya kalau tante boleh tau?”

“kenapa emangnya tante? Emang ga boleh ya pacaran sama alyssa kalo sekolah gue ga tinggi?”

“Bukan gitu, nak. Tante cuma pengen tau kamu lebih dalam lagi, tentang kamu dan planning kamu”.

“Saya lulusan SMA, tante. Puas?” Boyke answered with angry.

“Kenapa kamu marah? Tante kan cuma nanya. Yaudah, kalo lulusan SMA juga gpp”.

“Tapi yang jelas Tante, gue ingin hidup dan mati saya bersama Alyssa. Dia itu soulmate gue. Gue cinta banget ama Alyssa”.

“lebay deh, nyet!” said Yohannes.

“Planning kamu emangnya apa ke depannya?” said Rebecca

“Mau menikah sama Alyssa, Tante, selepas Alyssa wisuda”

Rebecca felt so surprise when she heard that.

“Kamu mau kasih makan apa anak Tante? Kamu udah bisa menghidupi diri kamu sendiri emangnya?”

“Ya belum sih tante. Tapi kan cinta gak mengenal materi. Yg penting gue cinta mati ama anak tante. Kami saling mencintai”

“Kamu belum menjawab pertanyaan Tante. Kamu mau kasih makan apa anak Tante?”

“Tapi yang penting kan niatnya, Tante. Gue kan udah bilang gue udah cinta banget sama anak Tante. Suer deh! Lagian cinta gak mengenal materi. Kalo mengenal materi, itu namanya anaknya Tante matre. Tante ini udah itam, judes lagi ya”

“Eh bangsat, bagus bagus kau ngomong ya!” said Yohannes.

“Gini ya nak. Tante gak bakal ngasih restu kalo sama kamu. Kamu aja belum bisa menghidupi diri sendiri. Gimana lagi mau menghidupin anak Tante? Memberi makan pasangan hidup itu bukan matre, tapi itu bagaimana kamu bertanggung jawab terhadap diri sendiri sebagai kepala keluarga kelak terutama bagaimana bertanggung jawab sama istri dan anak kelak. Kalo memutuskan menikah tapi gak mau dan gak mampu bertanggung jawab, apa bedanya kamu sama anak umur 5 tahun, yang hidupnya harus ditanggung dan lepas dari tanggung jawab? Lagian Alyssa juga masih muda sekali”. Said Rebecca.

“Ya dia kan nanti kerja juga Tante. Ya gue juga kagak mau kalo dia gak kerja. Nanti kalo dia udah kerja kan, gue udah tinggal santai” Boyke answered innocently.

“What you say, fucker?” said Garry

“Dad...?!!!” said Alyssa

“Calm down” said Rebecca to Garry & Alyssa.

“Maksud kamu tinggal santai apa? Kamu mau jadikan anak Tante nantinya jadi tulang punggung?”

“Yaelah Tante, nanti kalo gue udah nikah sama Alyssa, ya suka – suka gue dong mau ngapain ama dia. Alyssa kan milik gue sepenuhnya nantinya, mau dia makan pake duit gue kek, mau pake duit dia kek, ya suka – suka kami lah nanti nya. Om sama Tante gak usah ikut campur deh”.

“ENOUGH SON OF BITCH! SHUT THE FUCK UP! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!” said Garry

“Dad...!!!” said Alyssa.

“Gue cinta ama lo, ca. Love you my Alyssa” said Boyke to Alyssa.

“Gue juga cinta ama lo. Maafin Papa ya yang”.

Boyke left Alyssa’s house with his motorcycle. He spit on the front porch before he left.

“Alyssa, liat deh pacar kamu itu! Ndak ada sopannya!” said Rebecca

“Udah deh Ma, gak usah nyangkut-nyangkutin dia. Mama senang kan kalo Alyssa putus ama dia. Alyssa udah cinta banget ama dia. Cinta nya bang boyke juga tulus kok Ma ke Alyssa”

“Kamu gak ngerti apa – apa soal cinta. Cinta yang bener dan yang palsu gak bisa kamu bedain. Kamu masih terlalu muda dan terlalu mabuk untuk mengenal cinta”

“Yap, you better listen to your Mom!” said Garry. “People like that doesn’t love you for who you are” said Garry.

“Kamu selama pacaran pernah gak di traktir Boyke makan?”

“Ya nggak sih Ma, tapi kan dia cinta sama Alyssa”

“Dia pernah gak beliin kamu baju waktu kamu ulang tahun?”

“Ya ngga sih Ma”

“Ada gak prestasinya yang bisa dibanggakan?”

“Ya ngga ada sih Ma”

“Jadi kamu terus lah yang bayarin dia makan sama beliin dia sesuatu?”

“Umm.....Hmm....”

“Udah, gak usah dijawab. Mama sudah tau. Dia itu gak cinta ama kamu. Percaya deh sama Mama. Gak ada laki – laki yg cinta sama pasangannya tapi gak mau ngeluarin duit sepeser pun untuk keperluan kamu. Padahal duitnya ada. Motornya aja bukan sepeda motor bebek. Org kayak gini yang mau kamu nikahi? Liat aja, uang kamu terus yang keluar, uangnya dia ndak ada keluar, apaan itu? Udah umur 26 tahun tapi perilaku kayak gitu. Planning dalam hidup juga ndak ada. Mau gimana nikahin anak orang?” said Rebecca.

“Begini ya, kamu itu cantik, masa depan kamu terang, kamu juga selama kuliah bawa mobil ke kampus. Papa kamu beliin kamu mobil Toyota Vios. Apa kamu gak mikir kamu bakal diikutin cowo matre? Cewe matre sih biasa, cowo matre itu yang bahaya, sweetie” Rebecca continued his statement.

“Ma, tapi kan kami udah saling mencintai”

“Cinta darimana? Kamu jangan buta liat cinta. Cinta yang tulus sama cinta azas manfaat bedanya tipis. Mereka sama - sama bilang “i love you” tapi tujuannya beda. Cinta yang tulus bertujuan untuk komitmen, bakal membuat kamu bahagia dan bakal menghidupi kamu dan anak – anakmu kelak. Kalo cinta azas manfaat, kamu cuma disenangin sekali doang,trus kamu dibodoh-bodohin, habis itu kamu diperas habis-habisan. Kamu dijadikan tulang punggung nantinya, kamu dibiarkan pontang – panting sendirian. Hubungan kamu dengan dia seperti majikan dan kuda.Ya kamu itu kudanya. Disuruh kerja mati – matian. Dia nya cuma bisa mencambuk biar kudanya lebih cepat geraknya. Ya kayak kamu itu nanti, kamu seakan disemangati kalo lagi lelah, padahal dia ketakutan kalo sampe kamu melepaskan kewajiban jadi tulang punggung. Karena dia gak bersedia berkorban. Padahal cinta itu pengorbanan!”

“Hmmm....ummm.....” said Alyssa

“Jangan sampai nanti, bandnya sudah terkenal kayak Noah atau Dewa 19, tapi kamunya terus yang bayarin dia. Dia nya gak mau ngeluarin duit sepeserpun. Bahkan mungkin, kalo posisinya dia diatas kamu, dia bakal ninggalin kamu. Namanya juga laki-laki. Apalagi yg modelnya kayak dia”.

“Tapi kan Ma, dia itu gak pernah selingkuh. Udah deh Ma, gak usah urusin Caca. Caca udah gede, udah tau apa yang baik buat caca, apa yang ngga baik”.

“Mama cuma nyaranin. Penyakitnya anak muda memang begini. Merasa sudah dewasa, padahal gak tau apa yang dihadapi. Kamu mencintai orang itu bukan disuruh untuk jadi bodoh dengan mengenyampingkan logika. Jangan membela apa yang tidak kamu ketahui betul betul. Kamu kan tidak 24 jam sama dia, darimana kamu tau dia gak selingkuh dan gak bakal selingkuh? Msh pacaran aja udah gini. Kamu juga kenal dia baru 1 tahun, masih waktu yang singkat. Gimana lagi udah nikah nantinya? Nanti si Boyke yang brengsek, kamu bilang lah ke orang – orang “suami saya diambil orang”. Mencintai orang ya gak salah, tapi Mama gak mau kamu mencintai orang yang salah. Mencintai orang yang azas manfaatnya lebih besar dari cintanya ke kamu”.

“Love is blind. I don’t have any argument” said Garry.

“Love is blind. Hmm...Begini ya, cinta itu buta. Tapi itu digunakan pada seorang Ibu ke anaknya. Ibu yang sedang hamil, dia mencintai anak di dalam kandungannya. Ya cinta itu buta, karena seorang Ibu tidak melihat kondisi fisik anaknya namun dia mencintai anak yang ada di dalam kandungannya. Tapi kalau dalam kehidupan sehari – hari Alyssa sayang, cinta itu tidak buta. Tapi kita sendiri yang membuat mata kita buta. Kita menampik hal – hal yang janggal di dalam diri pasangan kita. Jangan membutakan mata saat mencintai seseorang”. Said Rebecca.

“Papa kan kerja di Autoliv, perusahaan terbesar airbag di dunia yg bermarkas di Swedia, apa karena itu Mama dulu mau menikah sama Daddy?”

“Mama sudah mengenal Daddy terlebih dahulu. Mama sudah mengenal Daddy secara personal pada saat di stockholm dulu. Lalu pekerjaan Daddy mempengaruhi keputusan Mama untuk menghabiskan sisa hidup Mama dengan Daddy. Kenapa? Pertama yang Mama liat dari laki – laki adalah apakah dia dewasa. Kedua adalah apakah dia mampu bertanggung jawab, menghidupi saya dan anak anak saya kelak. Itu bukan masalah besar kecilnya gaji, tapi bagaimana pola pikir si laki – laki dan planningnya dalam kehidupan. Karena hanya dengan dikatakan “I LOVE YOU” itu tidak menjadikan kita kenyang disaat kita lapar. Dengan ungkapan “I LOVE YOU” itu tidak bisa jadi modal untuk memberangkatkan kamu kuliah ke UI. Emangnya uang kulia kamu bisa dibayar dengan ungkapan I LOVE YOU doang? Emang kalo Papa kamu hanya bermodal I LOVE YOU, kamu bisa sampe S3 ke Harvard????? Hahahaha. Cinta butuh tindakan bukan hanya sekedar kata-kata layaknya pemanis buatan”.

“Hahaha” Alyssa laughed too.

“Cinta itu butuh tindakan nyata. Bukan hanya ucapan I LOVE YOU doang. Banyak laki – laki sekarang, mulutnya hanya diasah untuk jadi penipu! Kalo cuma bilang I LOVE YOU, anak SD juga bisa. Selama Mama berumah tangga sama Daddy, Daddy selalu melakukan tindakan nyata. Memberikan baju disaat baju Mama memang sudah tidak ada. Jadi, pemberian itu bukan terletak pada nilainya, tapi perhatiannya. Daddy kamu juga ngasih ke Mama baju harga 100rb, Mama sudah senang. Jd itu bukan terletak pada nilainya. Perhatian itu yang dibutuhkan. Kalo Cuma I LOVE YOU doang Daddy kamu dulu, Mama ya mana tahan. Misalnya Daddy kamu bilang I LOVE YOU, tapi gak ada memberi yang Mama butuhkan, tidak melakukan tanggung jawab, gak mau kerja keras demi anak, apalagi kalo punya sikap ke kanak – kanakan, cape deh. Hahaha. Mana mau Mama ama Daddy kalo kayak gitu. Itu sih namanya laki – laki penipu ulung kalo taunya Cuma bilang I LOVE YOU doang”.

While watching tv, Rebecca continued her statement..

“Liat nih ca di tv ini, ada Nassir dan Musdyawarah. Liat aja noh. Ini mgkin salah satu contoh nyata azas manfaat. Jadi hati – hati ya Alyssa sayang. Banyak Nassir – Nassir yang tersebar di seluruh nusantara ini. Hati hati. Laki – laki skrg banyak yang bertindak layaknya seorang wanita. Banyak laki – laki yang bilang “uang ku ya uang ku. Uang mu ya uang ku”. Hati – Hati ama yg beginian”.

“Iya, Ma”, Alyssa answered silently.

“Trus, kamu itu harus liat gelagat cowo. Liat tuh si Boyke, kamu bilang dia ngefans berat sama band Alter Bridge. Semua mengenai Alter Bridge, dia beli. Bahkan ada konsernya di Jepang sama Singapura, kamu bilang si Boyke bela-belain datang kesana. Kaosnya juga logo alter bridge semua. Nah, pertanyaannya, kenapa dia rela mengeluarkan uang untuk Alter Bridge, sedangkan ke kamu dia gak rela? Think think deep deep dong. BERARTI KESIMPULANNYA, ALTER BRIDGE ITU LEBIH BERHARGA DARI KAMU!!!! Jadi, sekali lagi Mama ingatin, hati – hati sama laki laki penipu. Mereka banyak berkeliaran di sekitar kita”.

“Udah kayak kucing aja ya Ma, berkeliaran. Hahahaha”.

“Ini bukan persoalan kaya atau miskin, ca. Ini persoalan bagaimana pria tersebut bisa jadi imam. Bisa bertanggung jawab pada kamu dan juga anak anak kamu nantinya. Tidak menjadikan kamu tulang punggung. Membuat kamu semakin mentaati firman Tuhan. Dia bakal jadi pemersatu, bukan jadi pemecah di keluarga ini. Kriteria itu yang diperlukan dalam mencari pendamping hidup, nak. Jadi ini bagaimana moral si laki – laki. Itu yg utama! Bukan mslh kaya miskin. Mama juga gak mau biarin puteri Mama yang cantik ini untuk menikah sama laki – laki manja yg punya Ortu konglomerat. Mama jg gak mau! Walau bergelimang harta dianya, tapi dia gak bisa mempertahankan pendapatnya sendiri, bahkan gak bisa melindungi keluarga nantinya. Jd, yg penting itu moral!”.

“Iya, Ma. Udah dong Ma. Udah panas nih kupingnya caca”.

“Ya, ini yang terakhir. Mama ingatin supaya kamu jangan salah kaprah nantinya. Nanti kalo he’s nice to your kids, you think it’s a gift! NO! BIG NO! Kalo dia sama anaknya, bersikap baik dan sayang, YA MEMANG SUDAH SEHARUSNYA! Namanya juga anaknya. Itu kewajiban. Bukan pilihan. Sama halnya kayak Orang tua. Dengan ekonomi yg mampu, mana pernah ada orangtua yang dipuji karena menyekolahkan anaknya sampe SMA?? Gak ada. Krn apa? Krn itu kewajiban orangtua. Bukan pilihan.”

Next week after that time, Alyssa went back to Jakarta. So she went to the airport with her Mom, her Dad and his brother Yohannes. At the airport, Alyssa didn’t want to go to the waiting room. Ten minutes after that, Boyke appeared at the airport, seemed hurried to meet Alyssa. “Oh, boy” said Garry.

“Alyssa, i love you. I do love you. You’re the only one that i care in this world. See you around at Jakarta” said Boyke

Then Garry spoke to Boyke “Listen kid. You’re full of shit, ok! You said Alyssa is the only one that you care in this world, so it means your parents are your second priority, right? How can you love my daughter and at the same time you make your Mom as your second priority in this life? She taught you how to speak, how to live life,etc and you don’t care about her at all, seriously? Go home kid, you drunk”.

“Fuck you, Sir”

“Easy asshole! Listen to me carefully. Let me predict you, ok! You are kind of man that too much reading romantic novels, watching romantic movies and listening romantic songs, i can prove it.And maybe you had cried million times after reading, watching or listening. Even you dress like a rock star or like an actor, but your heart is dangdut. With your style, and your saying to my daughter, you are totally fake. You just imitate Ryan Gosling’s words in the movies and use that as your gun to my daughter. You copy-paste style of Ryan Gosling, but you know what? It will never impress me, bastard! You think just because you have Ryan Gosling’s look, so i will respect you. Just because Ryan Gosling opened the door for a woman in the movie, and you treat my daughter the same way as Gosling does in movies, you think you will get my respect? And the last one, just because Ryan Gosling always listened to his girlfriendabout his girlfriend’s problem in life, then you treat my daughter like that, even you just pretend to listen my daughter’s problem, do you think you will get my respect? FUCK YOU KID! You live your life as an actor. So, you act as Gosling everyday. You are NOT who you trully are!”.

“Fuck you and fuck that shit, Sir!”

“What? The truth hurts, right? You use romantic words as what Ryan Gosling said in movies. You learn his fashion and the way of his speaking. You are the same kid that i met last week in my house, you just have different clothes. You dress like Gosling. And.....your english is better now. Just that”.

“What are you talking about?” said Alyssa. “Nothing special” Garry answered.

“Goodbye Mom, Dad” “Goodbye Joe” said Alyssa. “bye” said Garry, Rebecca and Yohannes.

“Goodbye my love” said Boyke. “Bye my dear love. I love you Boyke”.

After Alyssa refuses to meet his Dad, his Dad only remind what happened 6 months ago in his house and at the airport. He tried to save his daughter but because of it, his daughter hates him. He’s sad that the daughter that he raises with love, refuses to meet him. He prays to God, if it’s the time for him to go, he wish God will protect his family (his wife Rebecca, his son Yohannes and especially his daughter Alyssa).

After 3 weeks, Alyssa comes to see his Dad in hospital. “How do you feel, Daddy?” “Thank God you’re in here. I really miss you my little girl. I’m fine. You’re in here, so i feel health”.

“Alyssa, i’m sorry what happened last 6 months ago. I don’t want you choose the wrong people. I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable to talk about this right now. I love you, and i dont want your life suffering. This is the right thing. This is what should i do. I don’t want you feel your relationship is too one-sided. You make an effort, and your faggot boyfriend just relax and sleep day by day. Look, how he treats me and your Mom from his saying, he showed no respect to us. He’s no good for you. He was like saying to me like this “I owned your daughter, bitch. I owned your daughter!”. If you marry him, he’s not responsible for anything! And he will never buy the toy of your kids, the clothes of your kids, etc even he have a lot of money, because of what? Because he thinks it’s your responsible to buy it. He doesn’t care at all. He forgets that kids it’s your kids and his kids too. And it’s not healthy if your boyfriend is the only friend that you have. But, as long as you’re happy with him, i’m happy for you. At least, i have just said what i felt about your faggot boyfriend”.

“Thanks for the advice, Dad. This is not the right time to talk about him. We should focus on your health, Daddy”.

“I’m ok”

“No, you’re not”

“Where’s your brother?”

“He’s in college, Dad”

“Please tell him, if i’m not here anymore, please be aware of the girls. Hahaha”

“Why Dad?” Alyssa giggles.

“He thinks he’s handsome. But he’s not. His friends praise him as a handsome man, a hero and anything else. But he doesn’t know that it’s because he drives a BMW. If he doesn’t, his friends will honest to him. World is like this everyday! I never had heart to tell him about this to your brother”.

“Oh, Dad. He’s your son”.

“yeah, just because he’s my son so I tell something honestly about him. And when i saw a young lady coming to our house, i just got a signal “she saw my son with sign of wealth as a ticket out of the life she was in”. I hope i’m wrong”.

“Let him find his way to be an adult, Dad”.

“Yeah, i know. It’s easy to say. But when you become a mother, you can’t say that easily”.

Garry is still dying. But now they live together. Garry with his wife, his daughter Alyssa and his son Yohannes.

==THIS IS A FICTION STORY. The character in this story is from imagination, not from the real life==