07.03.16
It came like thief in the night, like a lightning strike, my baby admitted to nearest hospital with pansitopenia. He was feverish and had cough for only 2 days and also pale. We were then realized that he had been complaining tired after playing a little while for the last 2 months. Hb 7.0, Leu 5.200, Tromb 30.000, IgM anti Dengue negative, Tubex positive 4. We knew something wrong is going on. bood smear showed blast which means young cells which shouldnt be found on blood smear. Our minds wandered all around thinking the differential diagnosis. Could it be viral infection? thalasemia? or worse?
The local peaditrician immediately referred our son to central refferance hospital about 300km away, which actually where we're both working (Our son had been raised by my parents in suburban area). We were sent by an ambulance and it took 5 hours to get there. it was already night time and raining hard. unfortunately, that hospital was fully booked. so we went to other hospital, a private hospital, pretty far. Thank God there was still one room that finally well accomodate us for 6 days afterwards, and we could use our insurance. My son had a several blood tranfusion, and once experienced tranfusion reaction (shivering) it was a terrible experience. Then, bone marrow sample was withdrawn and the result came out, acute lymphoblastic leukemia.
We were griefing. Our hearts were broken. Our dreams got blurred. Everything seemed to fall into pieces like there's nothing left to live. If i coud trade place with him, i would. It was chaotic. There were anger, sadness, regret, lost hope. You name it. As a mother, i took fault because unhealthy diet i ate back when i was pregnant. Not to mention, a rageful of stress i carried back then, depression, fear, and also somewhat physical stress. ( i was a junior surgery resident, if u know what i mean ).
Yes, maybe its all my fault. getting pregnant not int the right time? they say its unwise? To tell you the truth i wasnt ready either, but my husband and his family were very hoping, his mom would ask every week about whether i was already pregnant. then it happened. i got pregnant. my parents were shocked (because they had their experience). his parents were, i say, very excited. then three months later my husband had to leave for work far far away. So i was literally alone (and we never talked about this before marriage). And so yes, honestly, for me it was a disaster i couldnt stop crying. If only they would understand. I wasnt ready with that kind of situation.
...............................................................................................................................................................................................
Enough about the process.
My boy is a wonderful from God, and he was never a mistake. He is a gift for our big family. He connects us all. He cheers us up. He brings peace to our home. Trully an angel. He was then raised by my Mom and several maids. Three years and now he's badly ill. One priest came and told us she has vision that our son's been keeping a deep grief about his dad-mom's being not around. We said sorry to him then and told him it was all our fault.
17.03.16
We moved him to our public hospital for insurance cause. And he had first chemo that day. It was painful through his back bones. Our journey then begins. We have to keep him well nourished, cheerful until he completed the regimen. They say it will take 2-3 years to finish, and the prognosis is now better. We have our hope.