How shall I start to conclude some years we’ve been through with merely words? Where should I begin to express so much emotion throughout our lives together? It is belittling should we see the whole years behind us by giving in in a matter of short notice. Yet, it is in these words are we able to mark the beginning of our marriage celebration.
Happy anniversary, husband!
I shall not lie to you by saying that we have a perfect married life. For we both know, there is no such of thing. Perfect is only the word you use to describe yourself in your crazy narcissistic moment to make us laugh. Nor will I say that we have lived the happily ever after. For we have long ago realised, happily ever after is a fantasy created by Charles Perrault and Brothers Grimm in their fairy tales. Ever since I married you, I know, I’m not a princess.
I will not say either, that we have driven our married vessel on a smooth road. Gravels, sand and rocks were on it, sometimes even together all in once. Ups and downs between hills and valleys entwined with raging rivers and blazing fire were among the journey. Yet, we are still on each other sides.
Jumping in was probably the closest word to describe the starting act in our married life. We didn’t know what came afterwards. Even after some years, we still don’t know. We were only two selfish persons decided to live together. Jumping into lives full of considerations. What we didn’t realise was selfish and being considerate were not meant to be in one sentence. You and I did what fit to one’s own interests and wants. Terrible as it might seem, we started to try to change one another. As much as I wanted to be loved the way I wanted, you too, wanted to be treated the way you desired. Time had deceived us. Yours and mine started and ended whenever we wanted to. Compassions then, too had forsaken us. What came to it were the unintended words that just trampled on our own feelings.
Then, came the silence. The worse that said much louder than the words. You and I contemplated what and who to blame but neglected the fact of our own actions and existence. We lived the words of the ancient Greek god, Democritus, “Everywhere man blames nature and fate, yet his fate is mostly but echo of his character and passions, his mistakes and weaknesses.”
As hard as we tried to change one another to be the person we wanted to be, it was this echo that moved us to give in, to surrender to our weaknesses and passions, and to admit our mistakes and the differences between us. As beautiful as it might strange, it brought us back to what originally meant for us when we decided to live the married life together. It was then we came across the meaning of a husband and a wife.
Nonetheless, stumble and fall as we have done along the way since the beginning. But now, we hold each other hand to balance the walk. Stirred and shaken as what we have felt in married life since what seems to be a long time ago. Yet, we smile and laugh in each other arms.
It wasn’t the fate that had brought us together, nor destiny as they might say. It was what we’d been through, hell as others might say, that made us came out stronger.
I will not say, even now, that life is full of continuous happiness and dreams, and fantasies for that matter, because we are real. You and I understand what lies within being real. As real as the mistakes we still do sometimes, we continue to forgive and move on. As real as the disappointments and sadness for being hurt, we refuse to stop enduring. As real as the surge of relief after some worries and fears, we never stop ourselves to taste happiness along the way. At the end, we both know, who we are and what we do are the reflections of each other’s conducts.
I will not say either, that life with you is full of flowers and diamonds and all. But, I will say this to you. Marrying you was a milestone of unstoppable journey of thinking. It is you who has transformed me to become the woman I always want to be, as imperfect as I am now, complete with my bits and pieces. And yet, you’re still standing by me. Your words and thoughts have intrigued my mind to think and considerate, to overcome and decide any possible best options for me to take with regards of being your wife. It is your blunt words and frank thoughts that, most of the time, challenge me to explore my own strength and capabilities to be independent, and dare to be a better person.
You may not be the handsome prince with your glorious shiny armour, or the brave hero with your incredible shield and amazing cape to fly me around the globe. Even if you were all of those, you would not be the kind of a husband who urged me to become just as the way I am now. Instead, I would probably be the real spoiled princess to hide behind you, and entail every action you took for I would be at lost of how to even begin to use my mind.
You may not be the awestruck mind-blowing handsome man that most women would lose their mind and be crazy about. Or to describe the feeling In Latin, mysterium tremendum et fascinans, the mysterious turmoil of mixed feeling of entrancing fascination. And it’s merely because you are real.
With respect and love,
Your wife.