It's like an avalanche
I feel myself go under
It is the time when you feel yourself down under. Life is so cruel that it empties your heart. It reaps those happy feeling in your life. The time when you really want to become someone else. Seeing them with smile on their face, that's just the kind of person you want to be. Not the person you are right now. Feeling yourself walking in a thick air. Its viscosity just holding back you from stepping forward. You want to leave, but it keeps pull you back to the the same place. The same place where mild suffocation is your daily breathing.
Cause the weight of it's like hands around my neck
No. You will never leave the place. It's just suicide when you do so they said. Your wish is a vague picture in your mind. It become vaguer when they said you are good at where you are now. A state where many people really seek. You wish you could give in and give up your place as their want. No. You feel their wish to stay is hands strangling your neck. It is a moment where you don't have anything to stand for.
I never stood a chance
My heart is frozen over
Numb. It's that feeling when you can no longer feel. There are too much sound inside your head. There are too much glimpses of tragedies and sadness cling in your heart. Until you found yourself diluted in the frequency you can no longer respond to. Your voice is their subliminal voice propagated by their righteousness. It's just so loud you can barely hear anything. As when you step outside this loudness, you tread yourself on thin ice.
And I feel like treading on thin ice
The further you pace on this thin ice, the more you are awake. Knowing you are no longer hear voices calling in your head. It's not danger. It's a gut feeling that you should abandon the straps shackling you. It's that feeling of innate wanderer. It's a search for not a safe place. But a place where you can really be who you are. A place where sugarcoat saying is no longer your daily dose of remedy. You feel sick, but you feel yourself. Though they see you are down under.
And I'm going under*