Chateauroux, 02 octobre 2014
Promenade de Capucins, 36000. France
Fellas. closed this window if this write bother you.
Maybe you all think that I am a lucky girl in the world, because I got the precious gift like study in France, the dreamland of everyone. Yeah, I kind of feel like that at the first place.
But now I am telling you guys, the reality is beyond my heavenly imagination. This is the greatest and the dumbest decision I’ve ever made to myself. I’ve thought it would be cool if I study here. The fact is, I faced some shit called “Loneliness”.
I hated someone who told me, “Why do you afraid? It’s cool if you can study there. It’s France, man. Enjoy it.”
And I just wanted to slap them on the face. You don’t know how I am feeling. How could you say something like that?
You don’t know how to survive in the country where you’re blank about their language; You don’t know how to face people, You don’t know the area, You don’t have a place to live.Nothing. Nothing you know about. And then you have no one. No one listen to your cry or your evening craps. You don’t have connection internet or even phone number. You never know how it feels have someone mock you in the face because you can’t speak French really well. You’re totally alone. What would you do?
And there’s so much things you must do, some shit like deadline and schedule. And it’s all can’t made instant like we always do in Indonesia. We have to make appointment first, which is confusable. Sometimes I just thought, “How could I be so stupid following a program like this?” Face something I really scared the most. Because I hate being alone. Why did I never think it before? And I just wanna go home. I don’t care about my diploma or anything. Let me go home. Then again, where do I have to get Rp. 257.000.000 in an instant as my punishment?
The times passed, brings my tears away with them. I build faith. I wouldn’t survive if I always look like crap. I have to survive. I have to. Alone with God. I managed everything I’ve never did before, although I did it with tears every night because I am such a coward. But, hey I passed them all.
I open my ears, build my ego. Listened to the new people who build my brave. Because the sacrifice of my family, friends and teacher before too big if I have to listen some bullshits.
Now here I am, in what they said the most romantic country in the world, with a cup of hot tea in my hand, watching the traffic from above while I typed this letter. I feel really live. I can’t believe I am really here until now, although it didn’t build by easy journey. I still can’t believe I’m hundred thousand kilometers away from home.
Now I could tell, it’s not your brain that helps you to survive. It’s your faith and your heart. When you smile, then the world will smile with you. And so does the reverse.
Now I know it means, why this kind of scholarship, doesn’t need smart people, doesn’t need rich people. Its need someone who brave enough to challenge the world. Because guys, I am feeling like Indonesia already have too much knowledge than the most world has. Now I can’t be grateful enough to take this dumbest decision over my life. It thought me how to deal with something you’re really scared about. But I’m not recommending this program for you who – I’m sorry – lazy and unsocial people, because it will be crazy hard. When I said it hard, I really mean it. So, crazy in France is not an option.
Damn! I am a lucky girl.
I’ve push my buttons out, when’s yours?
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P.S I am not confident enough to translate this post to Indonesia language. My grateful if you will to.
P.P.S Don't read it out loud so you don't have to swear. Actually, I am not a swearer, this is too emotional. :p
P.P.P.S I've dedicated this post to awesome 7ultimate girls who worried about me all the time. I am alive girls, Don't try to marry any man where I can't attend to. I'll show you mine is hotter :p
P.P.P.P.S Kidding. (Not really)