I met my best friend last night; he just broke up with his girlfriend several months ago because the girl asked his plan for their future. He was stoned to the question. In his mind, he had this checklist of things that he compelled to finish before settling down. So deciding not to be the ‘selfish guy’ that holds the girl down for an uncertain amount of time, he let the girl he dated for years go. So maybe, she can start over, finding someone who is more ready than him.
If you have been following me on my previous articles, you will know how I would react to his situation. I WILL FLIP A TABLE! It is a very sad thing to do to a couple. Imagine this. You have been dating for years; adjusting your habits, sharing your life and thoughts, just to finally give up on the logistical issue. Sorry, to me this is a very logistic-al issue. To be clear, it is not about the logic, but the logistic issue.
The I’m-Ready-List
I fully understand that we all have different approaches in life that will affect us in making decision. But this type of reason is kinda outdated. The list that you guys are trying to achieve is no longer time-relevant and you are just torturing yourself and your partner.
While girls have so many emotional-related reasons of why she cannot marry a guy, usually guy would only have two types of reason; he is not ready for a commitment or secondly, he feels like he does not have all the things he need to set up a family. The second reason is the one we are discussing here. Here is some of the list that most men would like to complete for him to fell ready;
- A stable job, ideally with income higher than the girl.
- A house, ideally located not too far from the couple workplace.
- A good amount of savings for the wedding celebration itself.
- Some of the very forward thinking guy would also list this; saving for the life after the celebration such as money to have some babies.
While guy think these are a very logical way of thinking, I beg to differ. All of the things listed above sourced from an old culture embedded to our lives and communities surrounding us. Things have changed today.
Reality Check
The girl that you are dating now has an access to education. We can read, have a career and take care of the family at the same time. You are not the only thinker anymore in the household. This means, you are not the only hunter providing food for the family, but women too, are hunters today.
I feel a really huge empathy for the guys. While the gender issues are raised in many corner of the world today, changing life of many women; you guys are still stuck with the story of the role of men in the world that is still sound the same with the story of man thousand years ago.
Some may argue, that even holy bibles have proclaimed the role of the man that should be the provider of the family. But hey, these bibles are written ages ago too when the culture is completely different than today. I could imagine God would write it differently too if he can come to this era where woman and men role are quite similar.
I suggest you to ask why often. Why do you have to carry a lot of burden as a guy, even when the situation has changed?
The cost of buying a house too now is far much more expensive than your dad, grand-dad, great-grand-dad have to pay. There are not much land left around the city area, and thus the price goes high. It is not time-relevant anymore when your dad suggests you to buy a house before getting married. If you are following all things you got to have, when will you think you’d be ready? If you are following this rule, man would only be ready to get married by around his 35-40 at the earliest. While girls, on the other hand, will still do the same given that we don’t have to carry the checklist you are given. So we’ll marry older guys now. Shall we?
And do not start to talk about the nature role or kodrat of men and women. Most of you guys, are not handy anymore around the house with tools, right? There is even more male chef than female chef in professional kitchens. Ups, sorry I become too harsh in speaking.
The Partnership
I truly feel sad for the situation that most guys are having at the moment. Isn’t it unfair for you that women now have all the access and facilities you are having but given less burden in this term of responsibilities? We are not obliged to buy a house, or have a good salary. It is all on you.
I do believe that we are now in a term for a real partnership. Men and women are now together not because the men should cover all the girls’ need, because our income can cover our own needs. But the bonding happens because we are in the need of companion and partnership to share what we have and to complete each other.
If you are asking, what if the men have lower salary than you? I’ll say what’s the problem? It is not era anymore to feel heroic and bigger just by having the ability to pay for things. When you are doing what you like the most, having an income and able to carry yourself independently and still have the willingness to share with your partner, that’s sexy and heroic.
You might say that not all girls share the same opinion and way of thinking with me. But still, all girl would be happier to compromise and help you achieving your checklist together in partnership instead of being left alone to start over with another strangers.
Take the risk – NEKAD!
If you want to be use your logic, what you need is a supportive partner to achieve the checklist. If you have found someone right, but you are not in the right time of having all list complete, ask her to compromise, to stay or to lower her ideal dream of marriage, so you can still be together. Don’t you think it is more logical to keep what is right, rather than to let something go, for something that is not certain too?
Another thing that I want to bring up to all men and women is to take the risk. Be NEKAD. This nekad quality has lost from our vein because we are trained to secure ourselves. But taking the risk in the case of building life together is necessary.
Be nekad and brave to move forward, and take the step. As a wise-man says, things are impossible until its complete.
