Growing Up in your 60s

What does it mean to grow up?

The most general idea of growing up is to be financially independent, being in a stable relationship, having a proper job, and whatnot. This is what our parents and capitalism have taught us at least. My father is already in his 60's, he has already achieved everything he was taught to have since he was younger. To reach the highest of education, to have a proper job, to raise a nuclear family, and be able to finance them. Yet to this very day I still watch him grow up. Not grow old, but grow up. Sure, his white strands of hair are showing otherwise. However what I see is a man who achieved so much in life, who still sits alone in the living room at night watching Ted talks on Youtube, taking notes, and nodding his head throughout the video.

It only took years for my father to finish his education up to the highest degree, but it took him his whole life to understand what it means to be a good father. It took my father a few years of investments and savings to be able to afford to pay for my college tuition overseas, but it took him a couple of heartbreaks to understand what it takes to be a good partner. and up to this very day, my father is still learning a thing or two about what it takes to be human. Back then my father thought he had his life all figured out, a wife with two kids, a decent job, and enough savings. However, all I saw was the head of a family, a man who was responsible for my tuition and living costs, a man who was in charge to make the big decisions in my life for me until I am considered old enough to make my own. Nothing more. All there was between my father and me was the tension of not being able to fulfill his expectations, not accomplishing my duty as a daughter, and simply not being able to repay what he has "literally" paid for me. Now when I look at my father, I see my father. The man who I run to when I get my heart crushed, the man I talk to when I'm in dilemma for the smallest things, the man who, even just by looking at his face through my phone screen in a video call, could make me cry a river, the man who remembers what I would prefer for lunch because eating it at night would make me bloat. The man who was In front of my eyes my whole life, yet I am just starting to see now.

So what happened? Did I just grow to be mature enough to communicate with him? Did I just now understand how hard it is to pay for living costs? Do I just have more things in common with him now? No. My father grew up. My father grew up after having had his heart broken three times, My father grew up after having been scammed for so many job projects, My father grew up after having all his kids leave the house, and all he was left was with his cats and four empty bedrooms. It was a course my father never signed up for, It was an exam my father didn't study for. It was a challenge no one around him has taught him to prepare for. He had to grow up again this time, the hard way. He learned that life is more than just good grades and good money, that love is more than just being a good partner, and that being a parent is more than just financially providing your children for their future. He now sits alone at night, ordering take-out food and or cooking fried rice or instant noodles because it's the easiest to cook. He talks to my brother and asks him what he wants to do in life rather than aiming for him to enter a top university. He talks to me and asks me how am I doing in Japan, am I happy, am I enjoying my time here. He takes hours of walking just to buy cat food to feed the stray cats in front of my house cause they are the only living beings my dad could directly feed rather than just transferring money. He watches entertaining talk shows in the living room, sometimes the local news, sometimes even Korean dramas. People may see my father and think about how he is in a "bad" condition for someone his age, having seen his situation right now. People probably expected to see a stable household, probably a few grandkids on the way, not having to worry about his kid's college, and that right now is the time for him to relax and complain about the government while eating freshly cut fruit his daughter/wife has prepared for him.

I believe there will be a time where my father will experience all of that, soon. What's important is, for now, my father has grown up to be the best version of himself. It is never too late to grow up. I too, till this very day, am still growing up. Although I already understand a thing or two about being a citizen, about literally having to work a 7-hour shift just to pay rent, and I feel like I have experienced so much in life, being the 22-year old I am, I am still learning. I am still growing up. Until god knows when.