Negeri Morgana.03: The Fallen of My Heaven

I stop looking at the moon above and start gazing the rocky cliff of the cave around me; I am in the hole a big hole. It’s been a while I climbing and I almost there, on the surface. I can feel it, the gasp of the wind, the temperature getting warm and the voices of the people faint around I can hear finally. I am sure of it; I almost there…keep fighting till the end…

[caption id="attachment_314105" align="aligncenter" width="599" caption="My Wooden World"][/caption]

Back then,

I built the heaven special for you, all for you; I made every single part of it with all I have. Every single drop of blood and sweat I pulled out only to make sure that the result would be the best one. It took my time and bones more than enough I can imagine, even though I didn’t count it back then. I did not stop in there, because there was still a bridge and stairway to build, a huge and beautiful bridge from that heaven down to the earth so you can enjoy your trip to the heaven that I prized for you. It’s not only because I have a capability to build such thing, but also you deserve to have the best of me. It is a symbol of the true meaning of my intention to preserve my love to you.

And when the time was come I finish it, all the people around were amaze. They witness a magnificent shape creation of a self ability and confident of mine. They admired me for what I have done at the same time they adore you and they said you’re the luckiest woman they ever find for being prized such a memorable life statue. It was a completely wonderful moment for you and me and all the people around.

Afterward,

The angry fate came upon us and stabs me from behind; you saw that because you were right behind me when it was happening. I was falling and crumble with the scrap of the heaven I built straight to the deep hole of the cave. I was lost to the darkness and the sad story of life but it wasn’t the thing I was afraid of. It was the time when you held my hands with the tears in your eyes the next moment when I felt was the most scary scene I was ever see in my whole life…what was that…

In the end,

I sit and cross my leg each other beside the edge of the cliff I just climb for couple months. I look up to the skies and see my heaven, it had been moving in my absence, not too far from the original though. The people around say he is the one who moved it, he is the one who responsibility for that thing I built had been move. The one who substituted me at that chair suppose to be me in the first place, right beside her my beloved one. And now, I am here with nothing more left in my account, down here I look above the heaven I built where she lays with other man. I just can’t blame the people around when they seeing me in this situation, in their point of view; it is such a pity, sad story and un-happy ending. They tell me to be patience, but I think I’ve been patience ever since, what a joke even thought I can’t show them any laugh but bitter smile instead. Now I remember back then, the thing I was afraid of, it’s happening now, losing everything and anything in front of my very eyes and nothing remain unless my heavy breath. I will become the worst liar in this imaginary world if I say I am not hurt. Ouch…something cut me inside my stomach very deep, slowly and then squeezes it; I don’t even feel my tears drop sometimes. It is because the pain of it and I can’t do anything right for seven days and nights…

Right now,

I still wondering why, until now, what can be very possible people come to judging me as a losing side but not a looser though. In fact, I was loose, it’s nothing more and of course I don’t have it right here right now but those things are not solely occasional in the whole story. They raised their opinion by the tree in front of them, not the whole forest, and then they turn their eyes onto me with pitiful face eventually. Am I such that pity…? Well, I can’t feel it; I mean I don’t have that pitiful circumstance…am I…?

I feel I have freed myself from the cage made by people around. In fact, the sorrow was too deep craved to the bottom of the most darkness of the hearth, even the glance slightness of light will be very easy to catch and realize, until the days come to understanding such a pain enable and help people to grow up. And grow up means being able to think and make one’s a wise decision. Besides, there will be nothing good to mourning the past…

Euphorbia 38, 10 August 2013, “Halaman Rawa” Community.